Having a random hookup so left but love u
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
