he wants to bone in the snuggie
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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