I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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