You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
