i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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