I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize