If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
