Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
