My first STD was from a foam party
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
PANTIES FOUND
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