Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.

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(775): View more from Nevada

My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.

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(281): View more from Texas

So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"

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(905): View more from Toronto

FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(850): View more from Florida

We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?

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(616): View more from Michigan

Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.

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(905): View more from Ontario

Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night

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