I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night