He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have aggressive nipples.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread