First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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