I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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