Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
