And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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