is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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