I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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