Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
