I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize