Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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