Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
