So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
