Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
