Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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