Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
my liver is dry heaving
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
