I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
