i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
cat food counts as protein by the way
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
