wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
