News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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