fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
