my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
