so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
