she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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