omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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