she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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