I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
