pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
