dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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