she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
