2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i've created a new STD.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
