So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
