I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
