Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
