I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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