i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
