Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
