Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
