I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
