His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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