My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
