put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
