there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
