She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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