I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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