Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
