I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
home. puking in laundry basket.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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