She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
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When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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