Yo dont text me then not text me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
