apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
