so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
