He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
