Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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