either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
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Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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